I am lying in bed. Awake. Restless.
This mess is weighing heavy on my chest.
The rain beats down outside my window,
Normally I would feel soothed but, not tonight.
Tonight I feel as if I have let myself and my creator down,
He is the one who loves, the one who saves, the one who forgives,
But I feel unredeemable and unworthy.
This debt is piling up all around me,
He saves me time and time again,
And I have yet to repay Him.
Will I ever be able to repay Him?
What does He think about this mess I have created?
He has given me everything I could ever need,
But I push it aside, abused and neglected.
He is always there when I turn to Him,
But rarely do I turn to him.
I turn to other people, other things,
I turn to places that drain me rather than fill me up.
The heaviness of my mess weighs on me like bricks,
I physically feel it with each rise and fall of my chest,
And it leaves me breathless, almost gasping for air,
Yet I am still here searching for a new place to turn,
Tonight I am restless and utterly drained.