Today was a big day. I finally declared a major! After spending almost an entire school year soul searching, researching…. every kind of searching honestly, I have finally found the end result. It took a lot of pushing and I am sure the only reason I finally declared was because I had to, but I am feeling really confident that I chose correctly. I have come to a place in my education where I am out of general education courses. I have exhausted the list of courses that are required for everyone, and it was time to pick a direction. So sitting in Pasi’s office today, I was asked; “What are you afraid of?” I had no response. There was not a single thing that I was logically afraid of. Nothing came to mind. When I responded that way, he challenged me to walk upstairs and officially declare my major and I finally realized, that the idea of pursuing education did not scare me at all. I felt ready. So I did exactly what he challenged me to do, I walked upstairs and officially declared a major.
When you crack eggs, you cannot just scoop them back up into the shells and pretend they were never cracked. You might be able to put them in a container and refrigerate them for a day if you decide not to use them, but as soon as they are out of the shell they have a very short shelf life. You either have to use them or throw them away. By declaring my major today, I realize that I have cracked open my eggs, so to speak. There really isn’t much going back now. Sure, I can change my major again or hold off for a short while longer, but the eggs are cracked. It is a semi terrifying realization, because this ultimately means that it is time to stop being a child. I need to make some tough choices and I need to do some things that I may not really want to do. The question no longer lies in “will I like this?” The new question is “how much can I tolerate?” I was drawn to this conclusion for a reason so I know I will enjoy it, but how much am I willing to put up with? Every career will have it’s ups and downs. There are very few people on this earth who love their job every single day, but people who have chosen the right career will put up with the bad days.
This declaration has opened up a new search for me. I am going to be working towards a degree as an educator. I now have to begin to cement the age group, the concentration, whether I want a large or small school, private or public, etc. There are many more questions to answer but it feels good to feel confident in at least one aspect. I am excited to take a step down the path of a new and exciting journey. I am growing and will certainly continue to grow through this.
My uncertain chapter has finally come to a close, but I sure learned a whole lot about myself in that chapter.